You’ve guessed it, this blog post is all about being single and how liberating it has been for me. I have been single for just over 9 months or so, in the beginning, it was strange, suddenly you have all this time on your hands. Like many, I panicked and joined as many dating sites as I could (the free ones of course, or I’d be broke by now!). I didn’t like this feeling of not knowing what to do with myself and thought I could fill the void with another man. I went on dates with men who clearly were not for me, but I didn’t care at the time. But then it hit me like I’d just hit a wall and seen sense, I ask myself, ‘why am I acting so desperate?’ I did some soul searching (as they say) and one night I dreamt about my ex (ugh!!), and it came to me. I’d been in a relationship with a controlling person, I’d gone from free-spirited Jess to Jess the robot, it was his way or no way, I had lost my confidence. I didn’t see it in the beginning, in fact, I didn’t see it happening until the end. I’m entirely grateful to my family, they are the ones who made me see the relationship for what it was. It’s funny really (in a very twisted way) how I was oblivious to it, I guess love is blind as they say, sometimes you need an outsider to point things out.
I saw this poem in a tweet not long ago, it kind of rang true of how I felt at the time of the break-up.
Once I had severed ties with him, I didn’t know who I was anymore, I’d lost my confidence and thought another man could ‘fix’ me. But I was wrong, the only person who could fix me was me. I ended up quitting all of the dating sites and went ‘cold turkey’ as it were and you know what, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, no more messages craving my attention like a Tamagotchi pet.
I decided to start enjoying my own company and doing things for me. I’d joined the gym previously in a feeble attempt to grab a guys attention (I know, how weak of me), but now I go for myself, hell I much prefer it when there’s no one there! I like the feeling of exercising off the day’s stress, of running that extra km on the treadmill, lifting that extra lb on the weights and holding that plank for just an extra second. My body is getting stronger and so is my mind, I am saying goodbye to the robot. I was having a clear out one day and came across the clothing that he’d picked for me to buy while shopping one day. They were baggy, unattractive and dull, so you guessed it, I threw them out and went on a shopping spree and bought classy clothes that showed off my femininity and made me feel like a woman. I even went and had a haircut!
Since being single, I have progressed my career, and I am well on my way to completing a diploma, which I doubt I would have been able to do if I was in a relationship. It took me nearly 3 months straight of back to back weekends of college work to complete part of the diploma, along with most evenings after work. I don’t know how many boyfriends who would tolerate that. I can go on as many shopping trips or holidays as I like; I went to Poland with the parents during the summer. If I was in a relationship, I doubt I would have gone and would have missed out on the opportunity of seeing Auschwitz, somewhere I have always wanted to visit (as you may know, I’m into my history). I can spend all day in bed if I really wanted to (I wouldn’t, of course, it would unravel the progress I’ve made at the gym!). I watch and re-watch the same film or programme for as many times as I want without having to explain myself, I listen to the quirkiest cringe-worthy music out there without a care in the world what people think, and no one forces me to go out when I don’t want to.
There’s an even bigger benefit of being single…you don’t need to buy gifts, cards or anything else for the boyfriend, their parents, siblings, grandparents, aunties or uncles on Christmases, birthdays, anniversaries, or even funerals. My bank account is very grateful for my new found singleness! Instead, I’ve donated some money to some charities, money better spent if you ask me!
Being single has increased my confidence, in fact, it has skyrocketed. I no longer shy away from raising my concerns or for saying no (especially to guys I’m not interested in), I even complimented a complete stranger on her coat the other day, something I would never have dreamed of doing before. I have been back on the dating sites, just to see who’s on the market (I’ve since deleted all accounts again!) and sure I’d like a relationship in the future, but not right now, I want to enjoy being on my own if only for a tiny bit longer.
So I leave you today with Meghan Trainor’s – No.
Ciao for now,